Stone Man

  
I imagine you probably have my number blocked, which is best I think, cause I don’t actually want you to read this, and I’m not trying to annoy you. I just need to say… You walked into my life, saw the worst of me, and walked out. I think my biggest fear in life is to be like my dad was… Insensitive. And that’s exactly how I was. 

And I don’t know why I happened to hit a brick wall at the perfectly wrong moment. I think it’s because after months of feeling numb, you lit a fire in my heart and my age old demons – my insecure version of myself – surfaced again with a vengeance, clinging to that flame, and in the process smothered it so drastically it ended worse off than before it ever existed. Have you ever read Of Mice and Men? I felt like an emotional Lennie Small. Perfectly good intentions, no tact and no awareness. 

And as it happened, it had been awhile since my last anxiety attack so I was blindsided, and I’m honestly still picking myself up – that’s why I couldn’t just leave it be. But maybe after saying all this I’ll be able to…

I guess all I’m really trying to do is convince myself that I’m not the person you met. I’m not… Insensitive. But convincing yourself isn’t easy when the evidence shows otherwise. 

I guess I wanted you to say, simply, “I understand”. You see, you just seem so sensible and collected. You handled this so smoothly. One quick decision and it was like you never knew me. And so I guess I value your opinion on the matter more than my own; I mean, how can I value the opinion of the person who was the problem to begin with? I know it’s a problem, and I’m working on it, but I just wanted you to understand. That’s all. 

So, I work on it. And just when I think I’m getting through the clouds, I remember how you told me about him. How he treated you, and the delicate situation your heart is in now. I mean, your circumstances… I told you already how amazed I was at who you are and have become despite the incredibly difficult things you’ve had to handle – especially of late – and despite that, somehow I was still so… Insensitive. And even now, I’m writing you despite you asking me not to. 

So I’m torn between this twenty three year old demon that runs deeper than my marrow, begging for understanding, and the poor excuse for a man I’ve been trying to carve out of stone with my fingernails of late, asking me to be sensitive to your need for patience and understanding – to put your needs above mine. The need to be sensitive over the need to be understood. 

You won’t know it, but tonight I’m wishing you well. I’m hoping meeting me will only have made you stronger, and wiser. 

Tonight the stone man wins. 

“I wish I had no arms”

 

We’ve all heard it from our mothers: “Say please and thank you”; but little did we know how important that actually is. Gratitude is one of the great keys to happy living; and after all, isn’t that what we’re all looking for? 

During a particularly dark time in my life I was asked to write in my journal one thing I was grateful for each day. I did that for a year and a half, and from day one my outlook started to change. It was as though a dark sheet of bitterness, resentment, misunderstanding, and cynicism was between me and the sun, and with each entry I was poking a small pinhole in that sheet and letting the light in. 

Eventually I began to see things in a more perfect light. I started to appreciate things I had been neglecting to notice previously. Life began to be a blessing once more, rather than a burden; and that’s not to say all my trials went away – they didn’t; but it helped me to face them with greater hope and faith. They say a little sugar helps the medicine go down. Even so, it’s easier to take the hard things life serves us when we can simultaneously appreciate the sweetness of the good things that life also brings.  

   

 We can even learn to be grateful for our trials – or at least be grateful for the opportunity we have to learn and grow from them. I’ve never met a more perfect example of this than May. May has no arms. She has fully functional hands at her shoulders, but she was born with no arms. I could speak for ages of how accomplished and strong and independent this woman, wife, and mother is in every aspect of her life; but perhaps her greatest virtue is her ability to see the good throughout this challenge she has faced. May recently spoke to a group of children about her trials, telling them all the struggles she had faced, but more importantly how much she had learned from this difficulty. Such was her attitude toward what others might consider a crippling challenge, that when she finished speaking one of the children said, “I wish I had no arms”. 

 

How I would that we could all be grateful enough for the blessings that come of trials that when we spoke of them, others would say “I wish I had suffered what you have, so that I could be blessed with learning and growth the way you have”. 

Let us all choose to be a little more grateful today. Choose to see life with the illuminating light of appreciation, rather than the dismal darkness of ingratitude. 

Recipeace

  
Just about everyone I know claims to want peace, both individual peace and world wide peace all packaged up nicely for everybuddy. If that’s what everyone really wants, then what is the problem? Why don’t we have world peace? 
“Well, because of all the bad guys!”, right? 
There’s truth in that, but I think there’s a few things us “good guys” need to get straight as well. These won’t bring world peace in and of themselves, but here’s three things (that’s a manageable number, right?) that we can all do a little more of to promote that peace in our own sphere of influence – ’cause you can’t really claim to want something if you’re not gonna do what it takes to get it, right?

  
1. Learn that different is not less than. ≠ ≠ < People are more than their differences, more than their opinions, more than their shortcomings, more than their sins. Stop focusing on what’s different. Who cares if a person is really into Yu-Gi-Oh and doesn’t quite get social interactions? So what your neighbor’s backyard is unkempt and full of rubbish? And why does it matter if Larry at work voted for another political party than you? First of all, “judging” people never changed anyone so even if you feel you are right, you’re never going to “bring them to the light” by showing your disgust of their way of life, their opinions, etc.; and secondly, it does not matter in the long run. 
Be a healer and a helper, not a hater and a hinder. If you love your opinions and your prejudices more than you love your neighbor, you will never know peace. 

  
2. Focus on the good →+← -closely related to the first. I have a friend who dropped out of high school to get her GED. Upon hearing of this many people’s first reaction was to say “Oh, that’s too bad.” What?! Too bad?! Isn’t a GED a good thing? Aren’t there billions of people in the world who would be incomprehensibly grateful to have that amount of education? Sure, she has the potential to get an education far beyond that, but A. Who says she won’t still?, and B. Which one of us has lived up to our full potential? Not everyone will be an Einstein, so where do you stop raising your expectations in order for someone to be better than “That’s too bad”? Do we all have to be nuclear physicists before we can be good enough to meet these standards that have crept into our society? (More on that later). 
Now, I’m not saying we shouldn’t expect great things of those around us, but remember that expectations are meant to help us grow, not so we have a reason to be disappointed when they aren’t met. And, of course, this applies every ounce equally as much to yourself as it does to others. 
So, focus on the good. Be a Positive Peter, not a Negative Nancy. 

  
3. Be a giver. ♺ Do you remember ever wanting something really bad, maybe a toy as a child, getting it, and a month or two later you couldn’t care less about it? That’s because things don’t bring peace. Let’s be honest, what is all the money in the world really going to bring you? Stuff? Friggin crap? (Excuse my French). Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have nice things, and there’s nothing wrong with having them. But if that is your first priority, you need a renovation. Not in a morbid way, but in reality at any given moment in time your house can burn down, someone can steal your car or your Xbox, whatever your current counterfeit happy-maker is, you could die or lose the use of your arms or legs… At the end of your life and into the next, will all your things keep you good company? No. What about all the endless hours you’ve spent watching T.V. shows you don’t even really like? None of that fills you. The only things we take with us into the next life are our relationships, and our knowledge and experiences; so I guess that kind of lays out what’s important, doesn’t it? Pretty black and white. 
So, give. Give not just your things, but give yourself – your time, your love, your ears, your heart, your care, your effort, your innovation, all of it; and when you do that, only then will you start to feel the peace of fulfillment. People are good, and when you give them good, they often give good back.
  
And now some relevant, beautiful quotes by David O McKay and a link to another beautiful talk on the subject of judging others:
“Evil speaking injures the reviler more than the reviled.”
“Character is the aim of true education; and science, history, and literature are but means used to accomplish the desired end. Character is not the result of chance work but of continuous right thinking and right acting.”
“All good things require effort. That which is worth having will cost part of your physical being, your intellectual power and your soul power. Let us ever keep in mind that life is largely what we make it.”
“I’m going to tell you the most important secret of human life. The most critical need of the human soul is to be kind.”
“Happiness consists not of having, but of being; not of possessing, but of enjoying. It is a warm glow of the heart at peace with itself. A martyr at the stake may have happiness that a king on his throne might envy. Man is the creator of his own happiness. It is the aroma of life, lived in harmony with high ideals. For what a man has he may be dependent upon others; what he is rests with him alone.”
“Give to the world the best you have, and the best will come back to you.”
https://www.lds.org/youth/video/stop-judging-others?lang=eng
So, what’ll it be, friends? 

Shipwreck Prevention

Hi world!

I’m David. This is my blog. I’ve created this creature cause I got summit to say. You see, somewhere along “the way” I got tired of asking, “WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS?”, so I’ve decided to share with you some of the things life has taught me. Some things have been a joy to learn, while others have nearly cost everything. But that’s all part of the journey, right? We must “taste the bitter, that [we] may know to prize the good”. I hope what I share with you here will help you navigate the stormy seas of life, without needing to experience some of the shipwrecks that I have, and help you avoid asking that same question quite so often.

Remember: “knowledge is power” – the power to better your life, and the lives of those around you.